Meltdown

Friday morning I had a work meltdown, I have been putting in lots of hours and feeling as though, I never finished anything, and that I was not going to finish anything. I had a conference call at 6:30 (am) that seemed like the final straw. I hung up the phone, then got dressed and went into work. I got there and thought, what am I doing here!! I can’t stay, so I packed up again and came home, and had my cry. Then called my manager, blubbered on the phone to her and then I had a call back from the manager on the account, and we talked things through, and the upshot is that I have this week off, and potentially next week, if I don’t feel any better. I do have an appointment with my Dr., but not till the 12th, so I will talk things over with her too. I have been getting lots of sleep, over the past few days, and that has really been helping. And with the weather being good, have been out for some walks, and that helps too. One of things I am doing this week is to review my career, and what I want to do. I know that Production support is not for me, and people keep trying to put me into that role, so I need to be stronger when I say that I DON”T want to do it. I do feel as though I have the support from my managers, and that makes a big difference. I will keep you guys updated on progress and decisions made.

We had a visit from Barb and Betty Anne this weekend. One of Daphne's (and Barb's) cousins was having a surprise 85th birthday celebration so Barb decided to come for it and Betty Anne offered to drive her. It was nice to see them. The party was good too and Babe (the cousin) was really surprised.
Barb hadn't planned to come out but she had a fire at her house. She had turned on the sauna attached to her bathroom and when she went back into the bathroom for a bath, there were flames in the sauna. So she called the fire dept and her son and left. She can't live in the house until the bathroom is fixed (sounds like a lot of damage) so she decided to come out for a couple of weeks before she goes on her Caribbean cruise in April.
We were hoping she could stay here longer but Betty Anne wanted her to visit in Bonnyville. Maybe she can get here one more time before the cruise, if not, I guess next time.
We're going to Saskatoon next weekend for a hockey tournament.
Geoff and Grace were going to go to Edmonton this week, Geoff had a course and Grace is on spring break but the course got cancelled. So Grace was going to go to Edmonton by herself to visit Jude and get a ride with Betty Anne today but she had to work. So I guess it will have to be another time. Jude, I hope you get down some time this week.
I have daffodils almost blooming and some of my tulips are up!

The Other Sivaks

Went over to visit George and Kaye last night so thought you would like to hear their news. Not a heck of a lot, going on with them. Kaye had to have another angioplasty, she had not been feeling that great, so went to see the Dr, and he said she had a blockage and needed one. Everything went well, and she said she feels better than ever. She looks pretty good, and so does George. The Carlsons just got back from Costa Rica, and had a great time. I was happy to hear that since I told them what a wonderful place for a vacation it is. Haley is convocating in June, and has a job for the summer at the University, and thnking about graduate school. Nate is still working, driving heavy equipment (I think). Marylynn and Peter are good, Ali has a job at the golf club next to their house for the summer, Cooper is working for a firm that does reno's, but is quitting that pretty soon, to go somewhere in eastern Alberta to lay pipeline. Did not hear much about Dennis and Nancy. Geo and Kaye were both in good form, and heard a bunch of Del stories, which is always good for a laugh. Kaye's niece Shawna is pregnant, but can't remember when she is due. And I think that is it.

ZZZZ

I just got off of nights, so we'll see how much sense this makes.

I am settling in to my preceptorship and am enjoying it and feeling pretty comfortable now. Not that things won't come up where I am not sure what to do, but I'm used to the routine again.

I like it a lot and it's 1/2 way done. Only 8 more shifts til I'm finished. Honestly, at this point, I feel like it's time I got paid for doing all the work. My preceptor is great, though now she is on holidays, so I have a new one for the rest of my time. He's a great nurse too, and i like him a lot. Laid back.

Last night 1 nurse (who shall remain nameless) was quite frankly a potty mouthed baby. During report, he couldn't stop swearing and complaining about his patient load that was 'so much worse than anyone else's.' I saw my old preceptor from a previous practicum on my way out this am who asked how the night was...'Good" I said "except for _____, who felt that the night was too busy" "oh ______, he's always that way", with disgusted shake of head, said my old preceptor. "Some of these guys (meaning generic male/female) are so lazy!" I agreed wholeheartedly.

I felt like shaking him and telling him to shut up. He did improve during the night, but I have to come up with a plan to deal with people like this. Quite honestly, I feel if you're like that, you shouldn't be nursing anymore. If you don't like your job, leave, people are much too vulnerable. Though from what I saw, he was pleasant w/patients. I think what I may do is ask in a non-threatening way, "Wow, you seem to dislike your job, have you thought about going into another area?" Preferably where I won't be. I guess the thing that bugs me about this type of person is that their draining negativity affects me and I also feel that it is important for me to express somehow that I'd prefer not to hear a constant stream of it. I just looked at him blankly when he did this last night. Any other suggestions besides my comment about getting into another area??

OK, on to other things...I am really enjoying my time there, except for a couple bad mood nurses, but most are good, friendly and helpful. Along with very funny senses of humour.

And the patients as always are great: sad, funny, charming, intriguing, sometimes odd, rarely slightly terrifying, always interesting.

Richard and I go to Vancouver tomorrow for a couple days! He's on a well-deserved spring break, I have a couple shifts at work (for $$!!) this weekend, but am off practicum now until Tuesday, so we are staying in a shi-shi hotel 1 night, and probably a cheap motel the other! I want to go to Sun Yet Sen gardens, Commercial Drive, the ocean, and the Safe injection Clinic, if it works out. Richard is not all that interested in the safe injection clinic. He wants to buy shoes.

So, I'm a happy almost RN.

And I was talking with someone I know form the St. John's Nfld area who gave me suggestions on things to do while we're there. She said if I told her the dtaes we were there, her parents would probably invite us over for a genuine Nfld supper. (though I don't like fish....) They live about an hour outside St. John's. However, I feel a bit awkward, I really don't know her all that well, only through a few times I've worked with her at the hospital. What do the rest of the travelling companions think?

Also, you are all invited to my grad on June 7, though with you all coming in July for houseboat, I suspect it may be a stretch. However, the hooding ceremony is just for nursing students, and is actually much nicer than just a regular university grad. we have pictures, slide show, music, hoods, and only 90 students versus 500-1000 at university. I went to one a couple years ago and got kind of misty, though I didn't know the grads that year. I'd love for all to come, but understand if you can't.

OK, have to write a journal for my prof, guess what I shall focus on? Yes, Bad-Mood Nurse Colleague.

Home at Last

Don't know if any of you saw the weather news the last couple of days, but when I got up on Friday, the news was a big storm coming in to the north east, so I left the hotel and went to the airport early to see if I could get an earlier flight, so I could come home. As I got to the front of the line the person behind the desk said that my flight had been cancelled and I had been re-booked for Saturday at 5:00 pm. She checked for me but the earlier flights were full, and they were more likely to get cancelled because, planes and crews were not where they should be because of the weather. I got a hotel room, close to the airport, and stayed another night in Rhode Island. I finally rolled into my house at 12::00 am on Saturday night,/Sunday morning a mere 24 hours later than originally scheduled.

There was a notice in the elevator to say a goodbye party was scheduled for this week, for Bernie and Doris, our resident caretakers. I was really sorry to hear that, they are great and hope that whoever replaces them are as good.

Looking forward to a week at home, not sure when I leave again.

among the missing posters

Am also guilty of not posting or anything else much - don't know why, have not the excuse that most of you have of being busy with jobs, family and assorted commitments. But then there is notreally any news here either.
Have been doing some yard cleanup, but it seems to rain a lot and while it's warm enough it means lots of mud. It's yard waste pickup this week so am trying to get as much pruning, etc done as is possible. The roses and raspberries are done and as the sun is out, this after noon am tacckling grapes and fruit trees, as its also time for the 1st spray (non chemical). Am also totally teed off with the jerk next door - you cannot imagine that amount of stuff he has piled up between our houses - even for him it's a record. I am really thinking of a chain link fence with vines for the area along the houses, so I can quit being mad! Jim may be here for a few days in April on his way to a meeting in Harrison and if so, may get him to install it. They have also had one of those basketball hoops parked smack in the center (but on the street) of my lot since Oct.
It sure riles me.
Have also decided finally to rearrange some of my affairs - something about being 77 seemed to push me to get it done, so have been seeing banks, financial guys and lawyer to get them done the way I want, including a living will.
Then my microwave bit the dust, so went shopping for a replacement and decided I deserved some new pots - nothing I had was under 30 yrs.
As you can see, nothing except a lot of bits and pieces, but it keeps me busy and happy.
Talked to Laura yesterday, and if you haven't heard' her mill is closing permanently. She doesn't know what will happen, but the brass from Vernon will be there next week to fill them in. She is lucky as she's several different options to consider, but does not want to make any moves till she hears what they have to say. It's been a bit of a shock and made for a tough week in the HR dept
as they had to break the news to other employees.
Theresa, I'd think all your staff at work would still be suffering from shock at Brian's death - it is really nice of them to offer grief counselling- what a great place to work.
Lisa is working 12 hour shifts this weekend, so only me for dinner tonight - makes it simple. She seems to really like this practicum (aside from being offered the Job) It's hard to understand for me - but it should help if I get dementia! It's all about me you know.
Had a email from Brenda - Bill has not been very good - a lot of episodes and getting more severe, apparently side effects of his medication. She was going to Edmonton this week to take him to the heart clinic and talk to his doctor and will let me know what's going on. Feel quite concerned about him but its over 25yrs since his first heart attack, so guess one should expect problems..
Hope all is well with everyone and get posting!

Love from mom/grandma

Where is everybody?

Is everyone just busy or do we all have the end of winter blahs? Thank goodness for you, Anne and Lisa, or I would wonder if something was wrong with Blogger.
And I am no better than anyone else. So here is what is new with us: not much. I have found myself to be so tired and unenergetic these past couple of weeks. I suppose the aftermath of Brian dying. I still can't believe it. The funeral was last Saturday, a big church very full. He affected the lives of lots of people. He must have taken thousands of pictures of people in Rocky in the 27 years he worked at The Mountaineer. Our boss told us yesterday that if anyone wants grief counselling he has set it up with a counsellor and The Mountaineer will pay for it.

Rainy rainy Sunshine Coast

So I am on the Sunshine Coast, watching the rain pour down. False advertising! Luckily the friend I am staying with has a large picture window (for watching the rain), a fireplace and lots of tea. Sitting in front of a fireplace on a rainy day, drinking tea and reading, is not such a bad way to spend a holiday. However, I think I need to come back in the summer.

My friend is a teacher in a Francophone school, and Blogger has switched into French on this computer. This is throwing me off somewhat. Hopefully this posts: I plan to hit "publier" and hope for the best.

Anyway, despite the miserable weather every day that I've been in BC, it has been a pretty good trip in general. I'm glad I came up here and didn't just stay in Vancouver the whole time. Sechelt is not very big, but it has the water on both sides and SO MUCH green - very enjoyable after an Albertan winter of grey and brown. We are going to venture out for a walk this afternoon and go down to the beach and likely get totally soaked... but at the end there will be tea and a fire!

Happy!

So, I met with the manager of the psychaitry unit here, and he will hire me!!!!

As soon as I get my temporary registration number I can start. Which would be beginning of May I think.

Hurrah!

I asked for a meeting, but didn't expect that he'd offer me something today, I thought I'd have to go through the whole process. It will be casual, as there aren't any lines available, but I'd end up with full time hours, I'm almost positive (and he was too). He is going to post some temporary positions in April, so I'd apply for those, I think, and see what happens.

I start my new practicum, on psychiatry tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, but have a secret fear that I'll do something stupid and fail. Imposter syndrome I think. As in, 'sure, I've made it this far in the program, but they'll find out before I graduate that I'm really not that good'
It's not easy being neurotic.

Anyhow, I feel pleased. Which is tempering my fear of failure.

Sad sad news

I can hardly believe this as I am writing. My boss Brian Mazza, editor of The Mountaineer, died yesterday.
Last night there was someone ringing our door bell - it was Ruth a friend of ours who also volunteers with victim services. She came to tell us that Brian had been found at his house yesterday evening, dead of a heart attack or stroke or maybe aneurism. They were trying to get hold of all the Mountaineer staff.
Everybody went to work today. Glen (the publisher and Brian's brother) was there and we all just did what we could to get the paper ready to go. I think it's probably going to be printed late but it will go out this week. We were all in shock, it was a very difficult day. But The Mountaineer is a great place to work; it's almost like a family, in fact that's what it felt like today.
I just can't believe that he's dead. And it's hard to see how that family can carry on, especially Brian's mom, whose husband Lawrence died in October.

ACPO

I just came from a meeting with the Bishop and the other people who are going to ACPO this spring. I can't remember if I've mentioned ACPO on here, but it's the provincial body that advises the Bishop of each diocese on whether a person should go in for ordained ministry or not. Anyway, there are seven of us going from this diocese (and apparently three or four from the whole rest of the province) and they all seem like nice guys. All men, and I'm definitly the youngest of the group! Anyway, the Bishop told us about the weekend, and how stressful it is, and now I just can't wait to get it all over with. It's not till May though, so I have some waiting to do!

Woonsocket How it got it's name

The name Woonsocket is derived from a Native American word. It is widely believed to mean "thunder-mist" in reference to the largest waterfall on the Blackstone River, which lies at the center of the city. Recent scholarship puts this translation in doubt. The city likely was named after the impressive Woonsocket Hill in neighboring North Smithfield. The meaning of the name is a mystery. Nevertheless, the term "thunder-mist" is used by several local businesses, including the city clinic.

Thanks to Wikipepdia.

On the Road Again

I spent three weeks in Woonsocket, home for a week (kind of on vacation, except I worked for 3 days). Allison and I went to see Van Morrison on wednesday night. It was kind of funny, most of the people were around my age ( Allison looked like a youngster in comparison) andlot's of grey hair. Van was fantastice, he did a couple of songs from his new country album, and did three of my favourites (Brown Eyed Girl, Gloria and Moondance). His voice sounds as good as ever, and our seats were pretty good, in the blues, but close to the stage. There was no opening act, and he played solid for an hour and 3/4. the band we very tight, and you could tell they have been together for awhile. I never thought I would get to see him live, so I am a hppy woman.

I leave again on Sunday for Woonsocket, two weeks there and then back home for three. I have been happy to be home, although, have not left my house much. Just so darn happy to be in my own bed.

Theresa and Geoff were here last weekend, and we went out to the Boun Thai for thai food, along with Anne. the food was delicious, as always, and the company excellent. Wener shoes, was having a big renovation sale, so between Theresa and I, we supported local business. Theresa and Geoff were there first, and then gave me a head's up. And I motored right on down there, and got some shoes.

Snick

This is funny.

They played it in Richard's Anatomy& Physiology class.