Finally Feeling settled
I think I am finally realizing, I am home for awhile, seems to have taken some time to get to that point. I was still feeling a little on edge, like I might have to pack up and go out of town for work again. So things are looking brighter.
I have been at the project for a month now, and it is still pretty chaotic. We had one guy who was there for 3 weeks, did not work out, and has not been back. Then on another team, the guy they brought in to be the team lead, was out of his depth, so they moved him back to be a BA, and moved one of the BA's to be the team lead. The team lead on the payroll team, came in and it was a complete surprise to her she was the team lead, she thought she was going to be the BA. And I have been helping out on some other teams (I am supposed to be on the Benefits Team), because there are not enough people, especially not enough people who have some of the history, on why some of the customizations were done. Kind of a crazy place.
The week before last, I was feeling very upset. I would go into meetings, and if the Project Manager was there, and I would talk, bringing up what I thought were valid points to the discussion, I felt as though she was totally cutting me off, as if I had nothing to contribute. I talked to a couple of IBM colleagues, to make sure I was not being ultra sensitive, and they said they noticed it too. What to do!! Well, I am not very good with confrontation, but I decided I would not continue to work in an environment like that. So I set up a meeting with Biljana (the PM) for Monday, which meant the whole weekend of worrying about it. Late Monday afternoon, I finally got to talk to her, and she was shocked that I felt that way. She is very direct and does not always consider what impact that might have on people. She told me I am doing a good job, and she appreciates that I am flexible, and helping out with other teams etc. That made me feel better, however I am not sure if that is all over with or not. Guess I will just have to see how things move along. I some times forget, that in working with all different kinds of people, the way you see it is not necessarily the way they intend it to be seen. I also think I am much better about dealing with things that bug me, and doing soemthing about it, then before, so I guess it is true you never stop learning. But for awhile, I thought I might be asking for a job at Latitude much sooner than I had planned.
I have been at the project for a month now, and it is still pretty chaotic. We had one guy who was there for 3 weeks, did not work out, and has not been back. Then on another team, the guy they brought in to be the team lead, was out of his depth, so they moved him back to be a BA, and moved one of the BA's to be the team lead. The team lead on the payroll team, came in and it was a complete surprise to her she was the team lead, she thought she was going to be the BA. And I have been helping out on some other teams (I am supposed to be on the Benefits Team), because there are not enough people, especially not enough people who have some of the history, on why some of the customizations were done. Kind of a crazy place.
The week before last, I was feeling very upset. I would go into meetings, and if the Project Manager was there, and I would talk, bringing up what I thought were valid points to the discussion, I felt as though she was totally cutting me off, as if I had nothing to contribute. I talked to a couple of IBM colleagues, to make sure I was not being ultra sensitive, and they said they noticed it too. What to do!! Well, I am not very good with confrontation, but I decided I would not continue to work in an environment like that. So I set up a meeting with Biljana (the PM) for Monday, which meant the whole weekend of worrying about it. Late Monday afternoon, I finally got to talk to her, and she was shocked that I felt that way. She is very direct and does not always consider what impact that might have on people. She told me I am doing a good job, and she appreciates that I am flexible, and helping out with other teams etc. That made me feel better, however I am not sure if that is all over with or not. Guess I will just have to see how things move along. I some times forget, that in working with all different kinds of people, the way you see it is not necessarily the way they intend it to be seen. I also think I am much better about dealing with things that bug me, and doing soemthing about it, then before, so I guess it is true you never stop learning. But for awhile, I thought I might be asking for a job at Latitude much sooner than I had planned.
Labels: confrontation, work anxiety
posted by Judith at 11:14 AM
8 Comments:
Then you will have to tell Todd that he hurt your feelings. Because believe me, I have to. Maybe that's because he's my neighbour.
I'm proud of you for doing that! It is super hard, and you are brave. And professional. And smart. And they are LUCKY to have you.
It wears me out too that we have to keep learning about people, and putting in the work to learn about them. Why aren't they learning?
Did you say what you had planned? I would have to be really really worked up before I could confront someone. Although I have done it. And Geoff didn't appreciate it one bit.
I did say what I has planned, and practicing what to say really helped. And I did not cry!! It was kind of funny (now) Biljana said she thought I was going to complain about someone, once I asked for a meeting, but she was taken aback that it was her.
Right on Jude! If there were more people like you, work would be a better place.
I figure that I have no need to spedn time trying to figure out anyone who doesn't want have enough sense to work on self-reflection. I'll spend time working on it with my patients and with staff who give a care, but otherwise, they can go play in traffic. I wanted to use more vulgar language but refrained.
ha ha, Biljana sounds EXACLY like Tatiana and Irana that I had to work with for my fMRI project. Shouty Eastern Europeans! (my Eastern European blood is too diluted to shout back, apparently - my emails just got more and more icily polite).
Good job on speaking to her though - think how much better for your blood pressure than silently stewing!
Everyone is so proud of you for being so brave and doing what was needed (maybe your eastern euro blood is coming out!) me too
I might have to confront a volunteer I work with. Will you do it for me, Judith?
Sure, much easier to do it to a stranger, sign me up.
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